Love Lost:
Hollow, empty longing, the dull aching distraction of melancholy memories, abject tears, and hopeless pining, consuming all reason, and clouding the mind… poisoning it with disheartening regret, disappointment, and doubt…
Few are those who have felt love in all its glorious joy and never felt these feelings when love is lost. We all ask ourselves “What one thing could I have done differently?” Eventually letting time heal our wounds, though not without scars, we at some point usually decide to take the risk again gambling every ounce of the treasure that makes us human.
If we are strong we learn from the mistakes and heartache becoming better prepared for the next battle with attachment, but are we? Really? Those of us who give all into a relationship, can only lose all… Those who give little into a relationship are better prepared for the loss but only because they never fully committed to love, as love is an all or nothing venture for most. Is it possible to have a lasting monogamous intimate relationship without giving all of yourself? But then shouldn’t love always be tempered with reason, and a commitment to your own identity?
Losing someone you love in any manner is never fun, and it is never easy unless you are the most callous of human… So is love worth it? Knowing that no matter how long you are with someone eventually you must face the loss of the one you love, or they must face the loss of you… Where is the root of love? Are there genetic markers for it? Is it designed to propagate the species, and if so why then is it so hard to lose? We all know love, and we all know many different kinds of love, however, the loss of any of the objects of that love no matter at what level is inherently painful. Why is that?
Why is it that the only real way to recover in a positive manner from a lost love is to mentally condition yourself to see the object of your love lost forever as though they were dead? Which is real tough if it is a former spouse and there are children involved.
I once loved a girl with my whole spirit… it was a love so intense and consuming it was almost overwhelming. For many of my friends and family on the outside looking in they did not understand… They could not believe that I could be so in love with this woman, to the point that some scrutinized my mentality. She was not perfect with the same human faults and frailties as we all have, but it was the connection to my psyche that was breath taking… It truly was a heart & mind bond. It was our Hara that found each other and it was intoxicating… A thrill ride of cosmic confluence of Chi that defied logic, and reasoning, and all the while in the back of my mind I knew it had to end sometime, I hoped it would be at a great old age, but alas it was short lived. Which was painful as love lost always is but with time and reasoning the pain resolved to understanding and compassion, and back to love on a different level.
To this day no other single love relationship has had a greater impact on me… No single person has occupied my thoughts more. Though not in an abject pining way, quite the contrary, I think of her with fondness, and I wish her the best in life and all the happiness any one person can have. She is always in my prayers and occupies a loving place in my heart, free of guilt, or pain, though I would be a liar to say I have had no regret. Nonetheless, I have a sound concept of reality, and it is not so much her personally, as the type of connection I had with her that I would like to have with another.
I have no contact with this former love and really have no idea where she might be or what her life is like as I made a conscious decision to close that chapter of my life, choosing to break contact with the friends I met through her, and none of the friends we both share have contact with her. It’s as though I have grieved her death in many ways… I have come to accept it is impossible for her to ever again be a part of my life. Whether or not this is right or wrong is certainly debatable, but it is what works for me, and it allows me to maintain a healthy attitude about the whole affair.
However, I honestly hope that one day I can have that same kind of relationship with someone more stable and grounded, though sometimes it’s hard not to think the odds are against it. And even though I am very comfortable not being in a committed realtionship, we as human beings are cursed with long memories and it is hard to escape those subconscious reminders of souvenirs from better times… when two felt as one, and that is what makes us want to get back on the proverbial horse… isn’t it?
Sound off… What do you think of love, loss, and moving on? How has it touched your spirit?
Namaste
Hollow, empty longing, the dull aching distraction of melancholy memories, abject tears, and hopeless pining, consuming all reason, and clouding the mind… poisoning it with disheartening regret, disappointment, and doubt…
Few are those who have felt love in all its glorious joy and never felt these feelings when love is lost. We all ask ourselves “What one thing could I have done differently?” Eventually letting time heal our wounds, though not without scars, we at some point usually decide to take the risk again gambling every ounce of the treasure that makes us human.
If we are strong we learn from the mistakes and heartache becoming better prepared for the next battle with attachment, but are we? Really? Those of us who give all into a relationship, can only lose all… Those who give little into a relationship are better prepared for the loss but only because they never fully committed to love, as love is an all or nothing venture for most. Is it possible to have a lasting monogamous intimate relationship without giving all of yourself? But then shouldn’t love always be tempered with reason, and a commitment to your own identity?
Losing someone you love in any manner is never fun, and it is never easy unless you are the most callous of human… So is love worth it? Knowing that no matter how long you are with someone eventually you must face the loss of the one you love, or they must face the loss of you… Where is the root of love? Are there genetic markers for it? Is it designed to propagate the species, and if so why then is it so hard to lose? We all know love, and we all know many different kinds of love, however, the loss of any of the objects of that love no matter at what level is inherently painful. Why is that?
Why is it that the only real way to recover in a positive manner from a lost love is to mentally condition yourself to see the object of your love lost forever as though they were dead? Which is real tough if it is a former spouse and there are children involved.
I once loved a girl with my whole spirit… it was a love so intense and consuming it was almost overwhelming. For many of my friends and family on the outside looking in they did not understand… They could not believe that I could be so in love with this woman, to the point that some scrutinized my mentality. She was not perfect with the same human faults and frailties as we all have, but it was the connection to my psyche that was breath taking… It truly was a heart & mind bond. It was our Hara that found each other and it was intoxicating… A thrill ride of cosmic confluence of Chi that defied logic, and reasoning, and all the while in the back of my mind I knew it had to end sometime, I hoped it would be at a great old age, but alas it was short lived. Which was painful as love lost always is but with time and reasoning the pain resolved to understanding and compassion, and back to love on a different level.
To this day no other single love relationship has had a greater impact on me… No single person has occupied my thoughts more. Though not in an abject pining way, quite the contrary, I think of her with fondness, and I wish her the best in life and all the happiness any one person can have. She is always in my prayers and occupies a loving place in my heart, free of guilt, or pain, though I would be a liar to say I have had no regret. Nonetheless, I have a sound concept of reality, and it is not so much her personally, as the type of connection I had with her that I would like to have with another.
I have no contact with this former love and really have no idea where she might be or what her life is like as I made a conscious decision to close that chapter of my life, choosing to break contact with the friends I met through her, and none of the friends we both share have contact with her. It’s as though I have grieved her death in many ways… I have come to accept it is impossible for her to ever again be a part of my life. Whether or not this is right or wrong is certainly debatable, but it is what works for me, and it allows me to maintain a healthy attitude about the whole affair.
However, I honestly hope that one day I can have that same kind of relationship with someone more stable and grounded, though sometimes it’s hard not to think the odds are against it. And even though I am very comfortable not being in a committed realtionship, we as human beings are cursed with long memories and it is hard to escape those subconscious reminders of souvenirs from better times… when two felt as one, and that is what makes us want to get back on the proverbial horse… isn’t it?
Sound off… What do you think of love, loss, and moving on? How has it touched your spirit?
Namaste
4 comments:
I am reminded that Surviving can be instinctual... a constant longing to draw the next breath. One never knows how truly amazing life is... until it's end is at your doorstep. ( I was there when I was 24) Then suddenly, every fiber of your body can stand on it's own, and fight with more zeal than we ever thought possible. Such times can be frightening... they can be enriching... To feel every nerve tingle. Feel the shockwave's of energy pulse through our bodies, like ripples in a pond. Then there is the other surviving... of coping with fate's cruel hand. Sensing the brush of cold death, yet seeing it steal those we care more for than ourselves... for this is surely the worse of the two. Nothing can be so difficult as being robbed of that which makes us more than we are... Being left to deal with the pain instead is a constant trial to turn that pain into strength. To leave the grieving behind and live your life... truly the best way to honor someone you shared your love with. For I have known love... the kind of love that breathes so much poignant emotion... And my worst fear would be to have them miss out on life over me. When I love someone, their life becomes more important than my own. That's how love should be... and why it is so rare.
You are a Wonder
Love is multifaceted. It is deep but can be shallow and can never be completely figured out. I like to study what the Bible has to say about love. If you are game; get a concordance and look up all references to love, charity, or any other synonyms that you can think of. My favorite is 1 Corinthians 13. I am also interested in what other writers have to say that love is. It has been said that all of the Bible hangs on the fact that we are to love God first and our brothers (friends) as ourselves. If all would do that then the world would work much better.
Love the post. I too have had a relationship like the one that you described. Also, in 2012 we're all going to be re-united with our true soul mates. :D Yay!!
Sky, your such an old soul... The person this article is about is an Aquarius as well...
Thank you for checking it out... I am going to make a concerted effort to keep it more up to date.
Namaste
Post a Comment